Innocence

4th of July was such an amazing experience for me, one like none other. I tripped balls on LSD and laid under the beautiful fireworks right next to your silky body. I'm sort of afraid of these feelings that I let myself take over me and surrounc myself with every bit of you. Because, what if after all that you assure me, it really isn't as real as it feels? All I know is, is that wether this is real or just a state of temporary bliss, you are the only thing I want in my life- So I'm going to put as much into you as I can because if it eventually ends, I want it to be the best that it can be. I'm afraid that I am so in love with you. You make me feel so fucking whole, like I've never had a broken part inside of me- Ever. You put this state of nakedness inside of me, like I have no walls and with you, I am invincible against everyone I ever encounter. I love alot of fucking people in my life, and I'm sorry to those who will read this, but they mean nothing to me if I don't have you. Of course I'd still love them and be there with them, but it would all mean nothing to me unless I had you when I came home @ night. As long as I have you, I feel the enternal need to put forth every fiber of my being towards everything. You give me hope, life, love. You make me want to stand up for myself and do what's right, even if you're mean sometimes You make me want to help every person I encounter, and you help me to learn how by letting me be here for you 24/7. You make utterably and intolerably- blissfully, in love, through death do us part, through thick and thin, through break up and make up, through life and death, you are everything that means anything at all to me. I've given you my heart, for forever. So if you leave me, I'll be a walking dead man, with a hollow heart making no movements. You have the biggest part of me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Baby you make me so happy, I can't even begin to explain exactly what you do to me on the inside and out. You make me every single day. You form and fit me to be the perfect girl for you, and that's all I want. To make you the happiest boy every single day. I would do anything for you, no matter what it was. Because I am head over heals, indoubtedly fully 110% in love with you.

Love me forever,
Kendra.

" This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling"

Let's hang out.

C'mon, we're together. So let's be together :}

I love you Baby<3
08-04-07

The Reason

:} You are my reason for any change that I would ever have the urge to create. You are the seed of all of my joy and tears. I find it my goal in day to day life to make you happy and satisfied with everything revolved around you. My only wish is for you to be happy. And I know that if you're as happy with me as I am with you then I have absolutely nothing to worry about, because baby you make me shine. You're my dedication, motivation, everything. I could sit here for days and go on and on about all your perfections and flaws that are perfect for me. I remember when I first realized that I was head over heels for you in a matter of just one day. Eighth grade. And then in ninth grade I finally got my dream come true, and here it is almost my sophomore year and my fantasy has become my paradise. I've opened up incredibly to you, showing my true colors and real insides. I trust you. I depend on you depending on me. Because you have to know that no matter what happens from here, I will always be here for you. I will always listen to you. And i will always have your back. I believe we've been through alot of shit but it's done nothing but make us stronger. So years from now if we are no longer you + me, I will forever and for always remember you and give so much credit to you for making my heart what it is today.

But isn't this nice? What I have to say about you is what every girl has to say about that boyfriend. But you aren't just my boyfriend baby! You are my boyfriend. You're my lover, my best friend, my companion for life the way it is.I have nothing but good to say about you, even the "bad" things about you. Which is nothing but one thing, and that's that you're stubborn and good at being a jerk. But that's you, and I love you and I have nothing but appreciation and true love for you.

Chance asked me a couple times if this is for real. If I feel like I'm in love with you, if I actually love you. And I'm too scared to answer him, because I'm scared to face what makes me vulnerable. And that is love for other people. And if today was my last day to breath, then I can stand here confindentally and answer, yes. This is for real. I am in love with you. And I know I love you. And I've never said that before to anyone, or anything. Not even to myself. But today I am, I did. And now my next step is reaching the momentum to tell you all of this. Because all I want is for you to be happy and to know and truley understand how much I care for you. I'd pull the trigger and jump in front of the bullet. You are my everything baby. I've done faced that and made it that way. I have no one left in life that I can depend on like I can with you.

So let's fight, let's throw punches and words, because I know it only brings us back to us. Everything will always bring us back to us.

I love you, Jordan.

I don't like when I post in this because you know what/who I'm talking about.

How is this supposed to make me feel? Wait- I don't feel, right? No: it just doesn't matter.

:} // 6-15-08

I can be the one to put my whole being towards you. I'll stress, and cry, and screw myself over in my head over and over again, but as long as you let me I'm okay.

<3

I love You.

"I'll open my heart and give it to you

Tell the whole world that I'm in love with you

Whatever you want, baby I'll do

I know I dont want nobody else but you."

I wish every tear was a different word. A perfect word. Word, describe something. Put this into perspective. Let them know what slashes through me. Tell them the secrets. The hidden depths of every pigment. Of every night, we lay here. But I fear I'm all by myself. I open myself. I disect myself. I want you. You want me. But do you? I give you my heart. I give you my true meaning. I give you everything that I have. Everything I get, goes straight through me and onto you. But do you care? Do you cherish? I feel I'll never truly know. Are you true? Are you loyal? Are you being honest with me? Are your words just of plastic? Or are they from scratch. Please tell me. Please assure me. Please give me everything in return. Meet me half way. Don't leave me here on this island of despair and regret. Of no regret. There is no regret. There can't be, or I wouldn't be here with you today. But you're not even here. There's cubby's and corners I know my eyes will never get to see. Only cubbys and corners that you know where is. No one else. No one else to help me, to unblind me. What's this supposed to mean? Are you untrue? Are you a liar? Are you fake? Am I supposed to hate you. I love you.

I love you.

4:16PM on 6-12-08

Tomorrow is June Friday the 13th, 2008. It's also the day of my Baby's 16th birthday. I have been stressing for months on just what exactly to do. Then I figured it out! I was going to make a scrapbook for him filled with pictures of us. Then at the end, have a little treat for him ;}. And then also buy him the "A to Zeppelin Autobiography" DVD. BUT my gay ass sister went and told him and completely ruined the surprise. And that's not the worst part. The worst part is that she did it so close to his birthday. So now I have no time to come up with anything, AND I had already started spending money on Plan (A).

So now I just plan on buying him the Mothership CD/DVD thing for 19.99 at Best Buy. But it really upsets me because that's nothing special at all. I really wanted to give him something from me. Ya know?

AND NOW::

I haven't heard from him since Tuesday, and I don't know if he's going to come home tomorrow. :(

P.S. Don't ask, it's a long story. YES, we live together. I'll write it all out another day maybe.

Anywho, I don't know really. My brains just been scattered. So I just took a nice shower and cleaned myself up real good for him, if he even comes. I love him so much, I can't even explain. And that's what I wanted to do for his birthday this year, find a way to express that to him instead of a damn CD.Oh no! GOTTA GO!